radio and the rest

EDIT: i'm looking at this with internet explorer at work (i use firefox at home), and it loads a completely different playlist than the one i uploaded this morning. anyone else having a similar problem? a noticeable lack of bloc party, jiggsaw, band of horses? let me know. any feedback you have, actually, send it my way. thanks! ryan

just a "beta" version. i meant to have this up the night before last, i figured giving myself a deadline would spur me to really do it. and it did, but honestly, new year's eve? i'm lucky i made it home alive. and yesterday was a complete loss, of course. i think i finally started moving sans nausea around 4pm. needless to say, i didn't find time to sit down and record the show with voiceovers, though i probably drove my neighbors mad with my all-night, out-loud rehearsals. but it's the show as i would have done it, just without me as your guide. consider it a new year's mix -- you've got some new stuff from bloc party, the shins, band of horses; and, in general, my favorites from 2006. one last kick for the old, and a warm welcome to the new.

speaking of the best of last year, lord knows i've scrolled through enough "best albums" and "best movies" lists to want to disown half the blogs i read every day, they're so incessant with the damn things. still, i can't help but want to holla back at the people and things that helped me survive the year. i was in the middle of watching the barely hopeful children of men when struck with the urgent need to recognize (or remind myself of) the few things i love about this world. that being said, and despite the idea of a "best of" list in my BLOG being tongue-in-cheek in the first place, i hope i come across as genuine when i really am so.

so without further ado, and in no particular order...

10. austin, texas. i still have my reservations about this place, and my place in it. but one thing's for sure: this is one of the biggest decisions i've ever made in my life. and i'm a big believer in things-for-a-reason, whether you realize it right away, or way after the fact. there's something to this dropping everything and driving a thousand miles from what you know. it might be plain and simple insanity. but until the whitecoats come strap me down and lock me up, i'm enjoying the ride.

9. champaign, illinois. in the same breath, i'll admit to being guilty of not knowing what i had 'till it was gone. that little town has something figured out, and the people who stay there past their college days aren't crazy for doing so. sure, it's a small dog who thinks it's a big bear, but it takes care of its own.

8. my laptop. this fucking computer sports some scars. i babied her through her first few months, but after the strap on my carrying case broke, she's been tossed around as much as anything else you can throw in a backpack. that a certain loveless pet of mine chewed her up a bit doesn't help her appearance, either, but i prettied her up with some headlights stickers and she looks simply beautiful.

it hasn't really been until this last year that we've been completely mobile; in our defense, it hasn't really been until this last year that central illinois discovered wireless internet. used to be, you had your home network and that was it. then, the coffee shops caught on, and pretty soon, you haven't paid an internet bill in six months because you're gleaning unprotected service from the girls next door. now, it's pretty safe to assume you can take a laptop anywhere and find a free public network, so you do. hell, entire cities are wireless. lappy and i have been to the ends of the earth and back, and despite a minor memory failure here and there, we've been able to back her up and start from scratch time and time again. she just loves the new portable hard drive she got for christmas (thanks mom!), and even though she just turned a third year older in november, she's as playful as she was out of the box.

lappy, i love you.

7. bittorrent. despite her slim figure, lappy's been well-fed this year. sure, we love itunes and emusic and are more than happy to buy a tv show or album we really love. but you can't beat the thrill of the hunt for good screener copy of a movie still in theatres. hell, i downloaded a christmas story when i was down and out during the holidays. i guess there's no way to tiptoe around admitting i download ILLEGALLY, but come on! times are tough, man...

   7a. pan's labyrinth
   7b. perfume: the story of a murderer
   7c. babel
   7d. 13 tzameti

6. little miss sunshine and half nelson. studio shareholders will be happy to know i paid in full for both of these films, each more than once. it's funny, i half-seriously asked that my family all get each other little miss for christmas... and we did (yessssssss). what a beautiful fucking movie. the first time i saw it was with nicholas, on the last leg of his stay in champaign -- we were about to drive him to boston, after which i was visiting austin for a second time this year, and then the west coast for the first time, ever. we were on the brink of the unknown and self-discovery, and we needed something to tell us it was all going to be okay. the theatre was about half empty, but the two of us filled it with enough laughter and crying for twice its capacity. that moment itself is one of my favorites of all time.

on my birthday this year, my brothers and i watched it "together" -- me, by myself in austin; them, at home in taylorville. we cued up the movie and, via phone, counted down from three and hit play, and called each other as soon as it was over. my eyes start to water at the thought of how impossibly close we were that night. trust me, guys, you've got a spot at the top of this list.

where little miss restored my faith in each other, half nelson restored it in myself. i don't know what the fuck i'm doing in life, but i know i'm doing something...

5. mark jiggsaw. "a strange looking punkrocker who's been known to climb rooftops and sing pirate songs and out smart death."

i can honestly say that without mark's help, i'd be writing you today from a very different place, both physically and mentally. completely separate from fronting probably the best band i've been lucky enough to know personally, mr. jiggsaw is one righteous man. not only did he help me get that sweet, free room at the illinois disciples' foundation when i needed it most, but he kept close during my entire stay, always there if i needed a hand, or a shoulder. he even scraped bird shit off my walls after i left town too hurriedly to clean my room. thanks for everything, brother man. can't wait to see you again.

he'll probably hate that i did this, but fuck it. put the new year's mix on pause real quick, and listen to this. i can't believe i forgot to put this one on there: mark jiggsaw - you are my sunshine.

4. calvin. seriously, one of the best things that's ever happened to me. i hated the little fucker at first, but he saw me through some rough and lonely times, and i like to think he grew as fond of me as i did him. i guess he really wasn't a part of 2006 -- he presumably flew into a parallel dimension sometime, late 2005 -- but all this talk of bird shit has me missing the little guy. he was a living, breathing sunrise; my own miracle. if you're out there, cal, being all awesome in your parallel universe, and have somehow learned to read since the last time we hung out, know that i think about you all the time. :(

3. nicholas.

enough said. miss you too, buddy.

2. my dad. i have neither a picture nor words. i love you so much. i'm never joking when i say i want to be just like you.

1. my brothers.

same for you guys, i don't know what to say that you don't already know. you are my only reasons for so many things. how long until that solar eclipse happens so we can invade the fire nation and save the world already? i'm so ready, boys. let's do this.

(not to devalue this moment we're having here, but that reminds me, avatar: the last airbender totally deserves a spot on this list, but this has taken so much longer than i thought it would, it's getting its honorable mention right here. btw, i'm totally water nation. jeff is earth. johnny, are you our airbender??)

this was a really good idea. if you didn't make the list, don't take it personally, it's just the first ten to come to mind. those of you i love, you know i do (pam, i'm looking at you, girl). but if you need reminding (i tend to be distant), by all means, let me know.

i'll show you.

love,
ryan