heart mind boxing
peter and the wolf - my grey overcoat [peter and the wolf's myspace]
tinkered around with the blog and spymac last night after work, until i fell asleep. woke up around ten with a sweet tooth, walked to the gas station across the street and bought mexican muffins and cigarettes, even though i keep telling myself to quit. came back to the apartment, this messy room of an apartment, and spent some time musing with jeff over which of the four nations we'd ideally hail from; argued with lauren over nothing, as usual; then lied down to fall asleep again, to perfume, but ended up watching the whole movie...
and decided a few things:
1. i'm okay with my messy room of an apartment. i have no intentions of being romantically involved with anyone (though, do we ever?) in the near future, so my lack of furniture or apparent well-being is my concern only. for now, this is my cocoon, from the sanctitude and squalor of which i will emerge when i'm ready.
2. "it's your calling, really." jeff's response to my first "official" music post. i told him, next, the broadcast. the lo-fi radio show i've been scripting in my head is finally on its way to being. attatched to the daydream is failsafe success, and a rapid ride out of the corporate, manufacturing world i've derailed into. i miss art, and even acting. lately i've been wondering if i had it right the first time. what if the only way to take the shapes i want, to do all the things i want, is to wear roles like robes, clothing and skin i can apply or shed at will? there are so many things i want to know and learn, and be good at, but i get bored easily. of course, i forget, acting was initially a plan b -- coming out of high school, i wanted to be a journalist, and everything i'd done to that point agreed, that's what i'd be. nyu was too expensive, and i missed the deadline for general studies at uiuc. but their theatre program was still accepting applications. i've been in the passenger seat of life for years now. makes me wonder who the fuck is driving. it'll all have a certain romance to it in the end, i'm sure.
3. as much as i need your love and support, being alone-but-not-really is hard. i crave complete isolation. i want to sleep beneath trees and know how to travel by the stars.
4. i am neither air, water, earth nor fire nation. i am all of them at once.
i am the avatar.
--
p&tw - the highway
(i can't listen to one without the other. i've actually bought this album twice, once at a show of his in chicago; the other, here.)
tinkered around with the blog and spymac last night after work, until i fell asleep. woke up around ten with a sweet tooth, walked to the gas station across the street and bought mexican muffins and cigarettes, even though i keep telling myself to quit. came back to the apartment, this messy room of an apartment, and spent some time musing with jeff over which of the four nations we'd ideally hail from; argued with lauren over nothing, as usual; then lied down to fall asleep again, to perfume, but ended up watching the whole movie...
and decided a few things:
1. i'm okay with my messy room of an apartment. i have no intentions of being romantically involved with anyone (though, do we ever?) in the near future, so my lack of furniture or apparent well-being is my concern only. for now, this is my cocoon, from the sanctitude and squalor of which i will emerge when i'm ready.
2. "it's your calling, really." jeff's response to my first "official" music post. i told him, next, the broadcast. the lo-fi radio show i've been scripting in my head is finally on its way to being. attatched to the daydream is failsafe success, and a rapid ride out of the corporate, manufacturing world i've derailed into. i miss art, and even acting. lately i've been wondering if i had it right the first time. what if the only way to take the shapes i want, to do all the things i want, is to wear roles like robes, clothing and skin i can apply or shed at will? there are so many things i want to know and learn, and be good at, but i get bored easily. of course, i forget, acting was initially a plan b -- coming out of high school, i wanted to be a journalist, and everything i'd done to that point agreed, that's what i'd be. nyu was too expensive, and i missed the deadline for general studies at uiuc. but their theatre program was still accepting applications. i've been in the passenger seat of life for years now. makes me wonder who the fuck is driving. it'll all have a certain romance to it in the end, i'm sure.
3. as much as i need your love and support, being alone-but-not-really is hard. i crave complete isolation. i want to sleep beneath trees and know how to travel by the stars.
4. i am neither air, water, earth nor fire nation. i am all of them at once.
i am the avatar.
--
p&tw - the highway
(i can't listen to one without the other. i've actually bought this album twice, once at a show of his in chicago; the other, here.)
<3 ryan at 2:10 AM
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