steering the great salt lake

the guy at the gas station across the street remembers what cigarettes i smoke, and keeps an eye out for buy-one-get-one deals for me. not as cool as the coffee house girl remembering your favorite drink, but it makes for the same, appreciated feeling. i half-bragged about being the lucky son i am, to have my mom send me a gift card to local grocery store central market, and how i was on my way to stock up. i forgot how he told me he hasn't spoken to his family in years. i took solace in his company on thanksgiving day afternoon, since neither of us were home for the holiday, albeit for very different reasons. i wanted to retract what i said about the grocery gift card as soon as i'd said it, but he jumped at the chance to remind me he's even lonelier than i. he says he doesn't care, but i can't help accusing him of secretly being sad.

work is... work. i've been bumped from the weekend shift (i.e. four days off) to my own morning shift, monday thru friday, 6a-2:30p. which sounded great at the time, i'd have my afternoons and weekends free. i even celebrated my schedule's first few days with quick trips to the nearby park to play soccer after work. of course, holiday demand for production bumped this cozy schedule to a 4:30a start time, and stretched the work week through sunday. i try to get there about an hour before my workers do, and usually end up staying late, to make sure everyone's out of the building and on their way, and to finish up any paperwork i've left for the end of shift, so it's more like an eleven, twelve-hour day. and yeah, that's seven days a week... i've complained about it as much as i'm going to, to friends and family, so i won't waste space doing it here. but it's hard. i'm having money problems, none of which are really my fault; my company is being kind of unreliable on payday, and has conveniently misplaced my check for three weeks in a row. in short, it's made for a long month.

i never thought i'd say it, but i miss champaign. i realize i was unhappy, but i've almost acknowledged the choice to relocate here as another classic, impulsive move on my part. i regret taking for granted the few amazing people i had within arm's reach, or at most, only an hour's drive away. the first time jeff visited home since i moved, i caught myself thinking, "shit, jeff's home?? if i'm free this weekend, i should totally drive over..." only to remember quickly, it's no longer the mix cd's worth of car time just to see him, or anyone else, anymore.

two people have told me to blog in the past two days, but i feel like all i ever talk about lately is myself. most (all) of my free time is with thoughts and music, so this all feels pretty uninspired. stale. said before.

i promised colleen that i would come home, no matter what, to see her play sharice in 'stone cold dead serious' at the station theatre. it breaks my heart that i can't. it closes this weekend, and i hear that it's amazing. will you go for me?