looking forward, looking back.

I'm sitting inside the street-facing window of The Hideout, a downtown Austin cafe/theatre. I parked a few blocks away and just started walking, determined to find free wifi and good coffee somewhere near. And here I am. The shop has a small stage in front for poets and songwriters, and a tiny, blackbox theatre in the back. Pretty cool place. I bought a futon earlier today, shower curtain, toilet paper, etc. Now I'm just killing time in this beautiful city, trying to feel my way around. Playing by ear.

I gave myself the day off yesterday. Just a "me" day, a disappearing day. Moved into my place Wednesday eve, ordered in, and pretty much slothed around for the next 24 hours. My landlord, Steve, did wake me up around 9:00 to say that carpet cleaners would be in, and I'd probably have to scram for a couple of hours while their work dried. No big deal. I sat out in my car and smoked cigarettes while reading the first book I could reach in my crowded backseat -- Adam Rapp's Stone Cold Dead Serious. Which is not only my favorite-play-ever, but will soon be starring best friends Colleen and Ryan, in Champaign and Chicago, respectively. I smoked and read (and cried at all the same parts), as this Austin sun rose lazily into the sky, and Ben Gibbard and M. Ward sang to me from el stereo. When I finished reading, I grabbed one more armload from my trunk and retreated upstairs, where I stayed for the rest of the day. I think the past two weeks simply caught up with me, timed perfectly with the arrival of my newfound safehaven, and as I finally let my guard down, exhaustion set in. I slept almost all day, rousing for the occasional mini-marathon of Avatar or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. But I woke up early this morning raring to go, and finished moving my stuff from my car to the empty apartment. I bathed in my new tub, and set out into a young, humid morning.

Written two days ago from Pacha, my new neighborhood cafe:

Woke up at 3:00 a.m. for work today. Shuffled through my morning routine in as little light and as quietly as possible, so as to not wake Josie and Hayden, my big-hearted, big-bellied lesbian hosts for the past few days. As reluctant as my motor skills were so early in the day, I had a mid-afternoon move to look forward to. After living out of my car -- which was packed to the ceiling with my personal effects -- since last Thursday, I get to move into my own place. The girls have been wonderful to the point of spoiling me, with food and entertainment. But the idea of finally having my own space to claim, my own air to breathe, had me excited enough to emotionally bypass the rest of the would-be long day. Today is a very happy day.

around noon, lunchtime, the gods smiled and i got out of work early. tim, my training supervisor, said we'd done about as much as we could, and turned me loose. it'd been a good morning and i learned a lot, but i still couldn't get my mind off of that cute little apartment i signed for yesterday. it's in what austin calls the medical district -- a lot of practices, lot of grad students, nurses. there's a park just a few blocks away, with tiny homes and small streets surrounding. it's north of the university of texas, too north to run into the campus crowd. and not but a bus ride from downtown, or a long walk, whichever strikes your fancy. the temperature hasn't dropped below 55 since i've been here. it's at least 80 degrees today.

on the walk from my apartment building to the bolivian coffee shop i've befriended down the road, one of the sidewalk squares says, in black tar or paint, "in love."

me too, man. me too.

I keep wanting to call my landlord Sal, instead of Steve, because he reminds me so much of someone in Sopranos. Big guy, round guy, with a Brooklyn accent that sticks out like a thumb in Austin. When he was finishing up my unit, I stopped by and he was limping -- he wouldn't say what from, but I like to think he was running from the scene of a hit, and just isn't as young as he used to be.

Here's the only picture of my apartment I can find online. I bought a disposable camera today, and a pack of thank you cards, so if you think you're one of my ten closest friends or fam, expect a personal note and picture sometime soon.



Cute place, huh? It's quiet, in a quaint little neighborhood. Park nearby. I really like it.

And this is for Lauren, who is unnecessarily sad and mopey today, despite deserving the world. I've been meaning to share a Calvin story with you, but never got around to it. From an older blog:

FURIOUS! (01-28-2005 10:21 AM)

my horoscope today says i'm furious. i think that's rather presumptious of the stars, prescribing my own temperament. truth be told, i think i'm more at peace than i've been in a long time. it's in the eyes. i walk by my reflection and see these two tiny blue rings, as crisp as they might have been in junior high. innocent again. youthful. my skin has a glow, though that might be oil of olay. heh. living in a girls' house has its perks.

but i know it's not lotion. and i know i'm not furious.

again, a bit of a late start, but morgan and i got up early today and grocery shopped, then i made breakfast while she curled her hair, took her to class, put everything else away, rearranged the freezer... and caught the end of another movie on sundance. i'm addicted. it's a new vice.

movie a day, that's the cure, i say. i think we're going to see a movie-movie tonight, morgan and the girls and their guys. and nick, hopefully. he's got the night off and a blonde brit in town, and i miss him. goddamnit.

kalvin the lovebird is crunching millet seeds in his cage. the repeated click, click of the seed breaking in his beak is surprisingly calming. some of my favorite parts of the day are spent talking back and forth with kal, watching him bounce about from perch to perch, swing himself around the makeshift playground we put together with hangers above morgan's closet mirror. he's most beautiful when he stretches, balancing on a single leg and pulling a wing behind him and fanning it out wide, morphing into a green and orange eagle. right now he's back on the playground and kissing his reflection. sometimes, when he likes me, he'll flutter down to the top of the computer monitor, and then jump across to my head. he sleeps upside down, bat-like.

best of all, he came with an order of cheeseballs.

as I sit on the porch a bird begins
to serenade me from a tree nearby in
the dark.

it is a mockingbird.
I am in love with mockingbirds.

I make bird sounds.
he waits.
then he makes them back.

he is so good that I laugh.

we are all so easily pleased,
all of us living things.

as i type i'm laughing, too. kalvin is playing on my arm.

I miss that guy. I miss you guys. Keep central Illinois alive for me, deal?