so many little red lights

when i woke up in the reclined drivers seat of my car, the clock said five-something. the car reeks of gasoline, which immediately brought me back to that sick feeling i had as i was trying to fall asleep, and the gas station outside of dallas where i stood, pumping gas, in a big puddle of what i thought was water. makes sense.

i rubbed my eyes and reached for my glasses. stretched to look around at an empty parking garage, and maintenence crews picking up litter. austin downtown is its most vulnerable at five in the morning. all the lights are still on, and there are even a few more like me still wandering the streets, as if the city itself is saying it still wants to play, asking every groggy passerby where all the kids ran off to.

bedtime, kiddo. i say it out loud but to myself as i pull out onto red river road. took me an hour to find the right hilton mark was staying at, and flip through all the crap in my bag to find something, anything with mark's and his coworkers names on. i don't know who the room is checked under, and he's not answering his cell phone. it is not checked under his name, i do know that.

but i find the names i need and the very helpful girl at the desk rings me through to their room. i wake mark up and he comes down, and after i throw a few handfuls of socks and shirts into my bag, i give my car keys to the valet parking guy. i don't necessarily want to pay for valet parking, but i do necessarily want to go inside and go to bed. i'll find good parking in the morning.

mark's sleeping on the cot by the window, and i don't know who is in each of the beds. i've reserved the little floor space between them and the bathroom, which will be just fine. since everyone is sleeping, i'm typing this from the bathroom and looking at my haggard self in the mirror. goddamn. my hair's a greasy mess, i haven't shaved, i probably smell. what the hell am i doing, i ask myself. it's a miracle anyone let me into this building. oh well.

anyway, last night.

i found parking at the convention center, which would last me until the shows were over for the night, and then i'd have to come up with another plan. that was all right for the time being, i just wanted to pee and rock out, not simultaneously but in that exact order. i took the escalators upstairs to the registry line, and in about ten minutes, had my badge, had peed and was walking down the street to meet up with mark at emo's.

i first got to the bar and called mark. i was outside, at the corner of red river and sixth streets. he knew exactly where i was, and he said he'd be out in a minute. i drifted down the sidewalk, and noticed that the venue i was to meet him is actually a collective of venues, all on the same block. i had seen the names distinguished on my list of venues, but didn't realize they were all on top of each other. emo's, emo's jr, emo's annex, emo's inside, outside. it was mind-numbing, and i sort of wondered if i was even at the right place. i drifted up and down the sidewalk a couple times before i finally saw mark standing on the exact corner i had called him from.

we hugged, and he brought me inside, through the 'bands only' entrance under the projection that we were both with polyvinyl, rather than one polyvinyl rep and his geeky, tagalong friend. the door girls barely moved as we walked through the doors unapproached. headlights were soundchecking when i walked into one of the stage rooms. mark was making small business talk with a labelmate, the bassist for aloha. i watched maybe a minute or two of this, i finally let down my guard and stretched back. i'm here. i pulled out a cigarette and--

"uh, you can't actually smoke in here." one of mark's coworkers, instantly worried about the disturbance.

"no shit?" i clamored and sprinted outside. no big deal. won't be long before all of us smokers aren't allowed indoors at all, anyway, forced to stand outside and watch from the windows as the rest of the crew eats their olive gardens or red lobsters. i just figured, texas, you know? surely texas won't keep me from smoking indoors. goes to show...

but it gave me the chance to breathe in the outside air, hear the noises, take my last good look at everyone before night falls and they all turn into monsters. the noise was perfectly unbearable, no peace at all from the neighboring bars and shows, or street performances rattling around us. i loved it.

this place is like never-neverland. it's a dream, it's a puzzle. it's not real, no more real than champaign is. it's champaign glorified, is what it is. downtown, or campus town, multiplied by ten, everything within proximity of another, everybody knows everybody, noone any more alone than anyone else. it's surreal. my first thought as i'm driving through downtown upon arriving is that this is like six flags for indie kids.

headlights have a new member. a bassist/accordianist who is slowly and finally taking place of the band's minidisc player. headlights used to be a four-piece, then lost the fourth, the brother who now manages the band (the brother who is actually sleeping in the same room as i am, i later found out). they have this new guy, though, who fills so many gaps i never knew headlights had. they've staged him as the centerpiece of the group, up front and center and in the spotlight, while the rest of the band does their usual, casual rock-out thing. but he, obviously a fan of the band in the first place, just goes nuts, bouncing and thrashing around at all the same parts of the song that you are, like you're watching your love for this band manifest itself on stage. it's incredible. every time i see them, i say they've done the best they've ever done. maybe it's been the few weeks they've spent in the studio working on new stuff. maybe it is that fourth guy. i don't know. but they've managed to outdo themselves once more.

last night was pretty tame, overall. saw owen and headlights, then aloha and the m's, all polyvinyl bands. of montreal. i figured sticking with mark and his crew for the night was a safe way to ease into the festival. got a text message from sxsw sms service that the flaming lips were playing a previously unnanounced show just down the street. but my phone was low on battery and i had it off, saving it for, oh, say, waking up in a deserted parking garage at five-something in the morning.

today's a full day, though. i'm camped up in the convention center right now, using their free wireless (hotel is crazy, wanting me to pay for internet service), waiting for mark to finish showering and getting ready, and then we're going to a day party put on by stereogum, featuring rogue wave, ted leo, aloha, what made milwaukee famous. tonight, i'm not sure. surprisingly enough, there isn't a particular show i really care to go see tonight. old leslie from wpgu is here, first time seeing her since she graduated and left town. i gave her a call on the way over to the convention center, and she's got an agenda for the evening that i might hop onto. we'll see. right now i'm only concerned about free bbq.

someone needs to get on some free coffee.

jose gonzalez plays IN my hotel tomorrow morning!

peace!